Exploring the 5 C’s of Intimacy

Thanks to Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD for her talk about “Exploring the 5 C’s of Intimacy.”  I’ll do my best to transcribe my notes in this blog.  You can always contact Dr. Jenn to setup an appointment at 858-880-5944.  She charges $75 per hour.

Here goes …

What is intimacy?  Dr. Jenn likes to say “Into Me You See.”

First C:  Care.  Feeling good about yourself can add to intimacy so self-care is important.  Tips: 1) Give satisfaction to yourself by using meditative masturbation or erotica. 2) Take time for yourself every week.  3) Keep a personal private journal.

Second C:  Communication.  Willingness to be vulnerable opens up communication lines.  Use Compassionate communication.   1)Both agree that this is a safe place.  2)State facts on the situation and agree on the facts.  3) “This is how I felt…”  Use “I” and feeling words.  4) This is what it meant to me.  Use “me.”  5) Negotiation.  “Next time we can try this …”  Tip:  Write it down.

Third C: Contentment.  Bring in positiveness and put a smile on your face.  Be mindful without judgment.  Tips: 1)End your day writing down 3-5 things you appreciated that day.  (3 gratitudes) 2) Write down 15-20 strengths of your partner and share with each other. 3) Stoplight exercise – take a few breaths and use the few seconds as a gift of mindfullness.

Fourth C:  Confidence.  Be comfortable in your own skin.  Tips:  1) Be mindful around criticizing other women or criticizing yourself. 2)Try an archtype.  Think of a women/celebrity that you admire and adopt her qualities for yourself.

Fifth C:  Creativity.  Think outside the box.  Find your boundaries then gently nudge your boundaries.  Start with your five senses.  Tip: Intimacy Night – bring in your five senses.  Feel silly with your partner.

Dr Jenn’s booklist:

Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self Acceptance by  Rosie Molinary

Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller

Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas

Calling In the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas

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SAY San Diego Adopt-A-Family

Wowee, Gals! Thanks to everyone for support of the SAY San Diego Adopt-A-Family.  We got all of the gifts and still had a couple of gift cards left for the Mom.

You can see more information about SAY San Diego, Social Advocacy for Youth, at their website http://www.saysandiego.org/.

Thanks again for four years of participation with this program.  It feels good to give to families, especially children, who don’t have quite as much as we do.  Happy Holidaze.

- Jules

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Caring for Aging Parents: Ten Things You Need to Know Now

One of our Gals, Susan Valoff, has been a social worker for 14 years and now is a partner in a privately owned company, Eldercare Guides.  In July, Susan presented helpful information about caring for your aging parents.  (I posted her agenda at the end of this blog.)

Many of us are in our 40s so our parents are near to old age, or already there.  But, no matter your age or the age of your parents, its important to have proactive discussions with your parents so you can be supportive and help them plan ahead.  High end assisted living care can cost as much as $8,000 per month, so its better to plan ahead!

Susan pointed out a couple of discussion tools such as “The 5 Wishes” and the POLST form.  She recommends that the children become detectives and ask questions.  “What is that medication?” “How is your health?”  “What do you think about what you want for end of life?” “Did you meet with an estate planner?”  Etc., Etc.

Pieces of information you can easily keep about your parents include knowing their health insurance plan and knowing their neighbors names and phone numbers.  It is also a good idea to know their doctor’s contact info.

Thanks to Susan for being so thorough and well prepared.  You can reach her at 619-450-4300 or svaloff@eldercareguides.com with more questions or to hire her company to assist your family.  Susan’s agenda and reference list follows below.

Caring for Your Aging Parents:
Ten Things You Need to Know Now

Susan Valoff, LCSW, C-ASWCM
Vice President, Clinical Services, Elder Care Guides

1. It’s OK to ask!
Now is the time to learn more about your parents’ health conditions, medications, legal documents, and support system.

2. Estate planning is critical to avoid future legal, financial and family problems.

3. Money matters when it comes to long-term care planning.

4. Caregiving: you can do it alone, but you don’t have to. In fact, it’s better if you don’t!

5. Alzheimer’s disease is not just a memory problem: be able to recognize the early signs of dementia.

6. There are benefits out there for veterans, but you need to ask.

7. Medicare, Medi Cal and HMOs — know the insurance basics for seniors.

8. Ramps, grab bars and raised toilet seats – home safety and accessibility prevents injury and hospitalization.

9. “Levels of Care”: familiarize yourself with the facility options of skilled nursing, assisted living, independent living and dementia care.

10. Help them do what they love – purposeful activity increases elders’ longevity and quality of life.

Some Resources

Alzheimer’s/Dementia:
Alzheimer’s Association: www.alz.org
George G. Glenner Family Alzheimer’s Center, San Diego www.alzheimerhelp.org

Caregiver Stress:
Family Caregiver Alliance www.caregiver.org
Southern Caregiver Resource Center, San Diego www.caregivercenter.org

Geriatric Care Management:
National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers: www.caremanager.org
Elder Care Guides, San Diego: www.eldercareguides.com

Estate Planning:
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys www.aaepa.com
National Association of Elder Law Attorneys www.naela.org

Long-Term Care:
Elder Care Locator www.eldercare.gov
Medicare Nursing Home Compare www.medicare.gov/nhcompare
Jody Hubbard, Long-Term Care Insurance Services www.jodyhubbard.com
A Place for Mom www.aplaceformom.com

Veterans’ Benefits:
Veterans Benefits Administration  www.vba.va.gov
San Diego County Office of Veterans Services  http://www.sdcounty.ca.gov/hhsa/programs/ais/veterans_services/

Medicare/Medi-Cal:
Medicare www.medicare.gov
California Health Advocates/HICAP: http://www.cahealthadvocates.org/HICAP/

Fall Prevention:
Mayo Clinic  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fall-prevention/HQ00657

Purposeful Activity:
The Eden Alternative www.edenalt.org
What are Old People For? (Book by Dr. William Thomas)

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One Year as a Broker Associate

Thanks to all the Gals that met at the Offshore Bar and Grill in Bay Park to help me celebrate one year in my new real estate career.  I enjoyed talking to everyone and eating greasy bar food while sitting in a noisy, busy place.  I didn’t realize it would be so crowded on a Thursday night!

See you in May!

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Pampering Session

What a  nice way to end a Thursday.  A spa night including a skin conditioning facial mask, a sea salt hand massage, and a warm water foot bath.  Oh, and wine, too. Thanks to Laurie for sharing her Arbonne products and teaching us about skin care product ingredients.  Stay away from petroleum products because they don’t let the toxins out or the good stuff in.

Arbonne products are not, and never have been, tested on animals and are made with natural products.  You can learn more at Laurie’s website. http://www.laurieparker.myarbonne.com/

You can read Laurie’s presentation here:  Presentation_SeaSourceDetoxSpa5x84

Our next Gathering will be April 14 – more info to come!

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Wine Tasting with Catherine

Thanks to Catherine and Alexis for a lively, informative, social wine tasting event!  Thanks to everyone for sharing such delicious food, too.  Post your recipes as a “comment” on this blog; especially, you Traci since all the Gals want to make that delicious vegetarian dish!

In preparing for last Saturday’s event, Catherine so kindly put together thorough notes on the South American wine regions and types that we tasted.  I cut and paste her notes directly into the blog along with the wine labels that we drank. 

Similarities and difference between both Wine Regions.

  • Argentina, like Chile, is unique in the wine world for the absence of the phylloxera threat that has devastated vineyards across the globe. Because of this most of the vineyards in Argentina are planted on ungrafted rootstock, Chile vineyards have no grafted root stock. 
  • The Andes is a key factor in the climate of both regions with regards to viticulture.
  • Argentina consumes approximately 80% of their wine; Chile exports approximately 80% of their wine.
  • Both Chile and Argentina were introduced to wine making by the Spanish during the Spanish colonization of the Americas in the early 1500’s.
  • In the late 1500’s cuttings from the Chilean Central Valley were brought to what is now the San Juan and Mendoza wine region which firmly established viticulture in Argentina.
  • Carmenere was thought to be extinct, but discovered growing in Chile in the early 1900’s. This “lost Bordeaux varietal” was originally thought to be Merlot, and is no longer grown in its homeland.
  • Due to the high altitude and low humidity of the main wine producing regions, both countries vineyards rarely face the problems of insects, fungi, molds and other grape diseases that affect vineyards in other countries. This allows cultivating with little or no pesticides, enabling even organic wines to be easily produced.

 1. Sauvignon Blanc -  Alabamar (2010) (William Cole) The varietal identity of Sauvignon Blanc is typically similar to grass, bell-pepper, or grapefruit in nature.  It is usually quite distinctive and one of the easier varietal wines to recognize by its often sharp, aggressive smell.  Sauvignon Blanc is probably the best dry white wine to accompany the greatest variety of foods.  It can handle components such as tomatoes, bell peppers, cilantro, raw garlic, smoked cheeses or other pungent flavors.

2. Torrontes – Serrera (2009) According to local Argentinean legend, Torrontes originated in Galicia, Spain, and was brought by the conquistadors in the 1800s. But in 2002, UC Davis studied the plant’s genetic fingerprint and discovered that the varietal is actually a cross between two grapes: Muscat of Alexandria and Criolla Chica, known in California as the Mission grape.  Aromas reminiscent of Viognier or Muscat, often with characteristics of white peach, citrus and flowers. Partner with smoked meats, mild to medium-strong cheeses, and seafood. Great partner for spicy food and Thai as well

3. Pinot Noir – Bola (2008) Pinot Noir is one of the oldest grape varieties to be cultivated for the purpose of making wine. Ancient Romans knew this grape as Helvenacia Minor and vinified it as early as the first century AD.  Thanks to the movie Sideways, it has become one of the better known reds in the US.  Although Pinot Noir harmonizes well with a wide variety of foods, the best matches to show off the delicacy and texture of Pinot Noir are: grilled salmon, a good cut of plain roast beef, a dish that  features mushrooms as the main flavor element, roasted and braised preparations of lamb, pheasant, and duck, as well as grilled meaty fish, such as salmon, shark, and swordfish. Best are foods that are simple and rich.  

4. Malbec -  Mil Piedras (2008) Malbec has characteristics that fall somewhere between Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot. I can be very deep color, have ample tannins, and a particular plum-like flavor component to add complexity to claret blends.

5. Chilean Blend – Maqui Lien (2007) In Chile’s native Mapuche language, lien means “silver metal”—a reference to colonial Spanish coins that were once melted to make fine jewelry, like the lizard on the Maquis label.  This blend consists of 32% Syrah, 25% Carmenere, 20% Cabernet Franc, 15% Petit Verdot, and 8% Malbec.

See everyone on March 10 for a night of pampering hosted by Laurie Parker, Arbonne.

Your Gal,

Jules

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Introductions

I’m finally posting the notes from our Global Gals Gathering on January 13, 2011.  At the meeting, we went around the room introducing ourselves by giving name, bithdate, and anything else we felt relevant.  As always, in this blog I will do my best to report on our lively discussion.

Julie – Nov.21 – Realtor and mother of 2.  Passionate about public schooling.
Suzanne – Sept 19 – artist and mother of 2.  Her website: www.remarkablebird.com Suzanne sells her artwork on her Etsy website at www.etsy.com.
Laurie – Spet 23.  She works at everyone’s favorite shopping center: Costco.  She also sells fancy Arbonne skincare products www.laurieparker.myarbonne.com .
Marlene – Nov 18 – this was Marlene’s first Global Gals Gathering.  She is a mother of two, a property manager, and a jewelry salesperson.  She represents Lia Sophia Jewelry.  It may be time for another jewelry party.
Janice – Nov 21. Mother of 2.  Janice works in the redevelopment office for the City of Chula Vista.
Heather – Mar 8. Mother of 2.  Be sure to come dance with her husband’s band, The Weener Pigs, at a Silvergate Elementary School benefit concert on Jan 29.  Kids are welcome to come.  $10 at the door per adult.  The Weener Pigs play at 5-6:30 at Humpreys Backstage on Shelter Island.
Susan – Oct 5 – Social worker.  Susan is currently partner at Elder Care Guides, company that helps the elderly find appropriate care and housing.  Susan will be a featured guest speaker at a GGG some time this year.
Leigh – July 2.  Finishing her Ph.D. in Political Science.  She wants to be a professor/teacher.
Alexis – Nov 19.  Works at Sharp Health Care as a pathologist.
Carmen – July 26. Carmen joined us for teh first time.  She is from Spain, been married 31 years, and is a law librarian for Luce Forward Hamilton.  She likes to eat, drink, shop, and read.
Bonnie – Nov 18.  Received a Ph.D. in Organic Chemistry from Harvard.  Mother of 2.  Just started playing the cello again, so we hope to be invited to listen at a future concert.

We talked about various topics to be covered this year including sex therapy, elder care, knitting, and skin care. I have determined topics for our next two gatherings, so mark you calendars and join in on the fun.
Feb  10 at Bonnie’s home:  travel book/guide exchange. 
Feb 26 at Alexis’s home:  wine tasting hosted by Catherine Uzeta.
Mar 10 at TBD:  skin care with Laurie from Arbonne.

I’ll be sending the evites soon.

Other upcoming events:
Jan 29:  Silvergate Elementary benefit concert at Humpreys Backstage. 2-8pm.  Kids welcome.  $10 per adult at the door, all proceeds paid to Silvergate.  The Weener Pigs plat at 5-6:30 pm.
Mar 19: Annual Silent Auction benefiting Longfellow Spanish Immersion Magnet School at Brick by Brick (Morena Blvd) at 7 pm.  $15 at the door.  The Weener Pigs will begin playing around 8:30.  This years theme: Life’s a Beach.

Alright, I gotta get to bed.  I could be on this computer 24 hours a day!  Have a great day.

Jules

P.S.  Laurie Parker had wanted me to pass along the woman’s info who knitted her scarf.  In case anyone wants to contact her:  Barbara Abrams, Company is Dream Knits, phone is
858-453-0953

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Happy New Year Gals!

Welcome to 2011!  Thanks to all of you for keeping the Global Gals alive and kicking for three years!  In 2010, we learned about healthy nutrition and estate planning.  We shared recipes and helped a family in need.  And we always have fun!  I am looking forward to even more in 2011.

Our gatherings are scheduled for the 2nd Thursday of each month so mark your calendar now.  We will determine possible topics in January so bring your ideas.
January 13 – Introduce yourself.  Be sure to invite a friend
February 10
March 10
April 14
May 12
June 9
July 14
August 11
September 8
October 13
November 10
December 8

We are also planning a wine tasting hosted by my friend Catherine Uzeta on February 26.  Check your email for info.

I will send an official evite before each Global Gals Gathering so please RSVP on the evite so I know how many women will be attending. 

My Global Gals vision: 

A gathering of girlfriends to discuss women’s and girls’ issues and to make changes locally with the global environment
in mind.  Share ideas. Learn about your community.  Do something to make a positive difference in someone’s life.

See  ya soon!
Jules

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Bio Feedback

This blog entry is long overdue!  Golsa Soroya presented at our July 8 Global Gals Gathering.  When her son was just 2-years old, she started him on biofeedback.  He had experienced recurring fevers with no answer from doctors.  Golsa decided to try an alternative medical treatment and turned to bio-feedback.  After her son’s positive results, Golsa studied and got certified to perform bio-feedback herself. 

I found this description of biofeedback on Wikipedia.
Three professional biofeedback organizations, the Association for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback(AAP), Biofeedback Certification Institution of America (BCIA), and the International Society for Neurofeedback and Research (ISNR), arrived at a consensus definition of biofeedback in 2008:  “Biofeedback is a process that enables an individual to learn how to change physiological activity for the purposes of improving health and performance. Precise instruments measure physiological activity such as brainwaves, heart function, breathing, muscle activity, and skin temperature. These instruments rapidly and accurately ‘feed back’ information to the user.The presentation of this information — often in conjunction with changes in thinking, emotions, and behavior — supports desired physiological changes. Over time, these changes can endure without continued use of an instrument.”

Back in 1960′s, William Nelson, a NASA Scientist, invented a biofeedback machine to help his autistic son.  Your body’s energy is an early warning system where imbalances in your body show up first.  Biofeedback is a non-invasive practice that requires no medication, has no side effects, and based on you as an individual. 

In her practice at Sisters Wellness, Golsa uses a machine known as SCIO, Scientific Consciousness Interface Operation.  She utilizes a 3-way system to treat her patients.  First, she completes a consultation session, then she works on what the person needs, and she uses the machine.  The SCIO reads over 8,000 reactions in the body.  It transmits 50 different corrective energies.  The machine assesses you then treats you. 

Contact Golsa to make an appointment at 562-489-3076 or golsa.soroya@gmail.com.  Of course, make sure she knows you are part of our Global Gals group!

Happy Day.
Jules

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Talk Time with Toni

Thank you to Ms. Toni Atkins for speaking at our Global Gals Gathering on June 10.  She is the first local politician to make an appearance at our group.

Toni started off by giving us a history of her time in San Diego.  She moved here in 1985 and started to work in a women’s health clinic.  She soon joined the Board of Planned Parenthood and the San Diego Democratic Club.  Christine Kehoe asked Toni to help her run for San Diego City Council, and starting in 1993, Toni ended up working for Christine for seven years. 

Toni herself ran for and won a seat on the City Council in 2000, when Dick Murphy was mayor.  During her time in the City Council, the city was trying to refinance a bond to get a better deal.  The Financial Manager and Auditor neglected to disclose the pension liability.  This marked the beginning of San Diego’s current pension/financial mess.  The San Diego city budget is $2.5 billion, yes, billion.  No small potatoes!

In the upcoming November election, Toni is running for State Assembly Representative for District 76, which represents 475,000 San Diegans.  She will will be facing a State budget of $82 billion that just five years ago was $120 billion with a State population of 38.5 million.  She said her goal will be to start with tax reform to help stabilize the State’s revenue.   The State pension is in bad shape.  Since the contracts are legal obligations, it will take open, firm, lengthy negotiations with the Unions to make a difference.  Since we will also be voting on Governor in November, Toni mentioned that she feels Jerry Brown knows how and will be willing to work with Unions.  Meg Whitman, on the other hand, will fight the Unions which will cause the Unions to dig in their heals and not compromise. 

For more information about creating a more responsive, representative and cost effective State government, visit www.caforward.org/ .

Toni believes that as an elected official, she is a public servant.  Let me end with a quote from Toni:   “If
you want to make a change, get together with others with the same
idea.”

Please vote in November.
Your Gal,
Jules

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